Full Exposure
April 5, 2006
I won't claim to be any sort of first-hand expert on gay life and culture. I barely feel qualified to be cracking any jokes about it - most of my humor is probably going to come out as rehashes of jokes I've picked up from Will & Grace, Ellen, and (to a lesser degree) Perfect Strangrs. But I also feel like I shouldn't have to avoid the topic entirely just because I don't personally partake. I live in a place where, like it or not, I AM immersed in gay culture. I have respect for the topic, and can treat it with more tact than an ongoing series of flannel shirt and butch haircut jokes.

Bad history with male figures is only one small part of a potential lesbian puzzle. I thought I was on to something when I discovered that a predominant number of lesbian friends had at least one abusive male relationship in their past - obviously this would lead to the conclusion that lesbianism springs from some Amazonian manhatred. But then I realized that a number of still-straight friends had also had poor male relationships. The retrofit conclusion to this is, of course, that men are assholes. Not all of them, mind you, but enough of them.

"The Goat" is from the movie "Waiting." The waiters of a restaurant would expose themselves in such a way that other waiters would accidentally catch them - and then be taunted mercilessly for looking at the exposer's junk. "The Goat" was a full fruit bowl, bent over for full exposure. If you want to learn more, I suggest you rent the movie.